The Start of Something New...
Long day. Rough week. Tough situations that we've been hit with. Nothing we can't handle, but things that put a wrench in our plans. In my plans. Things that add to the frustrations of my otherwise not-so-happy life right now. On the outside it looks great. But I'm struggling. I'm not happy with who I am right now and struggling to find my own life vest to get myself out. I see the tools. I know how to use them, but for some reason I'm not heading in the right direction. I'm staying put and letting myself get more and more tired. I can see what I want on the shore, but can't seem to take consistent strokes to get there. I take a few, and then stop to wade and fatigue again.
But, enough is enough. I have to get out of this. I need my own Midlife Makeover and that's what I'm going to try to do. I'm suffering from the same complaints that many of my friends and clients do. I'm ready to own my message. To start walking my talk and applying my own techniques to myself. About time, right?! I've actually wanted to do this for a long time. A little self-study. I don't know who will relate to this, but I'm much better at trying help others overcome their issues than help myself. It's much easier to project "what I would do" onto someone else and support them through the process than to encourage myself down the same path of recovery. Why do I self-sabbatoge? I don't know, but it's something to explore. Not to sound cliche, but it does have a lot to do how I was brought up and my experiences that I had when I was younger. I'm not blaming anyone for those, but they are experiences that I need to let go of, because they are not helpful to me now in midlife.
I read this recently:
You are NOT 15!
- How you handled being overwhelmed at 15 isn’t how you should be handling life now.
- Rewrite your story
- How you handle the stressors in your life are the foundations of many of the complaints you’re experiencing now:
- Eat - overeating or restricting
- Drink - overindulging or nightly habit
- Sleep - lack of sleep or night-waking
- Move - sedentary or over-exercising
- Relationships - do they exist?
- Pain/Aches - the daily stiffness and morning pains
I wish I could remember who to attribute it to. Possibly Jenny Burrell, Jessica Drummond, or maybe Brene Brown - they are women who I listen to and absorb the wisdom they give. It relates to where I am. And this message is so on-point for me. I often say that I revert to being a teenager when I get frustrated and upset. And while I'd love to harness some of the spirits of my younger self, I am so much more mature now and better capable of handling my emotions and the decisions of my actions surrounding those emotions. And self-sabotaging is one of those teen behaviors that I need to let go of. I need to let myself shine because I'm wonderful and knowledgeable. And I want to share that part of me with more people than my few close friends and family members who call me for guidance and reassurance.
As I said, it's time to change. I'm going to journal this experience over on this website. I think it's a good space for this because the three words of this website - Move | Heal | Play - represent everything I want to do in this process. You're welcome to follow me. You're welcome to join me in your own journey to a better version of you. A Midlife Makeover that helps you leave the 15-year-old behind and embrace the more mature Midlife version of you.
I don't want to be sad and unhappy anymore. I don't want to continue to look back and think "what if"…
I want to be me. To move as I want. To heal physically and emotionally. And to play. I'm excited to start. But tonight I'm going to send off the 15-year-old me with a glass (or 2 of wine). Hopefully, I will handle that a bit better than my teenage self did. It's a start.