A few weeks into my makeover and I've already fallen farther than before. Boy, do I feel like crud this morning. It's of my own doing. My husband and I have started ending our days by catching up on Game of Thrones (we decided to re-watch the entire series from episode 1 before moving into the final season) and having a glass of wine - or about 2.5 - while doing so. This means too much wine and late nights, and it's causing me to wake up totally beat and unmotivated. It has to stop.
In January I didn't drink. In fact, I didn't drink during January, February, and most of March. And you know what? I felt great. I don't really know why I started again, except that I don't deal with stress well and a glass of wine seems to take the edge off. But then that feels good, and so I have another to further the numbing. Numbing means that I don't have to deal with the pressures of life anymore. And even as I write that I see how totally unhealthy it is. Not like I didn't know that before now.
But I think the key right now is to return to my elective sobriety. I've been pondering it again and then read an awesome post regarding the rise in this option that just confirmed it. I owe it to myself to develop better coping mechanisms and to allow myself to lean into the discomfort and discover what is there. It's dark and scary, and while I know there's nothing violent lurking in there, I'm pretty sure there are a lot of disappointments and emotions that I've buried simply to avoid rocking the boat and fitting in. It's time to go exploring.
So today is Day 1. No booze. I've also taken myself off gluten and dairy for a while to see if it will help calm down the inflammation of the tendinitis that I'm struggling to get over. It's keeping me from that half marathon training. Well, that and the fact that the last thing that I feel like doing right now is running because of my night. I am better than this. I am not this person and it's not who I want to show up as for my kids and family. Grow up, Beth. And I should mention that the elective sobriety really isn't driven at all by hopes of weight loss. I'm sure my drinking alcohol in the past has added to the weight I've gained, but I've never been one of those who suddenly drops pounds when I stop drinking. So this is just for me so I can feel better and maybe feel like engaging in life a bit more again.